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Time to talk

Posted on Feb 5, 2015 by in General ramblings | 0 comments

Today is Time To Talk Day – where people are being encouraged to take 5 minutes out to talk about mental health issues, which affect 1 in 4 of us. (myself included)

The aim of the day is to try to take some of the stigma away from talking about mental health problems.

So let’s get started.. what has your experience been? Have you experienced it yourself? did you get the support you expected, or have you had to support a loved one?

I’ve suffered postnatal depression, anxiety, full blown depression. And I won’t lie it does rear it’s ugly head now and then. But I learn to recognise it early enough to do something about it, and I’m lucky enough to have a fab family behind me. Although not sure if they really know what to do…. 

I first got Post Natal Depression back in 2005 when I was 25 after I gave birth to my first child (he’s no 9), I had a really bad birth which wasn’t part of the plan, neither was I prepared for it. These lovely health visitors and midwives have a nice way of fluffing things up. So when things didn’t go how I read in the glossy magazines, then I felt a failure. I didn’t feel like a proper mum, woman and just felt I let myself down. 

It ended up in an emergency section and blood transfusions the lot. So when I got PND the first time it took me by surprise. I was the sticky tape, the one who was strong and held everyone together, I wasn’t the one who was meant to fall apart. How could I tell people that on the inside was completely different to what was on display on the outside?

I did… and it was tough, I was prescribed antidepressants and a course of counselling. That ended after the first session when the woman told me it was my fault and to get a grip..

I gave myself a kick up the backside and sorted myself out.. or so I thought. 

Fast forward 2 years and I gave birth to another bouncing baby boy, the birth was even more traumatic this time, I was told it wouldn’t be as bad as the last time, but it was of course. 10 times worse in fact. 4 hours under general anaesthetic, hubby not knowing if I’d survive or not.. 

So yep, PND strikes again! This time is rolled into full blown clinical depression. I sent my kids to private nursery from 8 – 6 every day because I just ‘couldn’t be bothered’

All I wanted to do was hide with the curtains closed every day. I had no interest in anything or anyone. I went on the sick from my high pressured job for over a year, and spend a year and a half on prozac.

I went back to work, started a business to keep my mind occupied. Of course, my weight ballooned, and whilst I was coming out of the grips of depression, my self esteem, self worth, self confidence was just rock bottom. I hated myself for how I let my family down, neglected by kids, my husband, the house. Everything.

So I decided to give myself a good talking to. I started eating healthy the first week of September and by the time Christmas came along I had already lost nearly 2 stone. I felt so much better! My confidence was coming back and I felt so much happier.

So we’re back to today. No more children… I couldn’t risk not being here for my family so was advised not to have children for that reason, besides my hubby wouldn’t let me lol

November 2014 I was diagnosed with depression once more. This time, there was no trigger. There was no reason. My GP said it was just due to a chemical imbalance, so I’m now back on medication.

I have good days, bad days like everyone else. 9 years ago I was ashamed to talk about it. But today, I’m proud. I’m a strong woman, a brilliant mam to my boys. I hold two businesses together. 

I recognise when I have bad days, so I don’t put pressure on myself. I take time out for me. I don’t worry if the washing hasn’t been done or the ironing is piling up. Life is too short. 

This is the reason I wanted to set up the Yummy Mummy Club. I wanted to provide a safe and secure place for women like me. I know how you feel. I know there are others like me, feeling how I did. I want to help x

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